{"version":"1.0","provider_name":"Memories","provider_url":"https:\/\/memories.cafeblog.hu","author_name":"AudreyCondemned","author_url":"https:\/\/memories.cafeblog.hu\/author\/AudreyCondemned-2\/","title":"Born Wrong","html":"

Sometimes I feel like I was into the wrong age. Sometimes I feel like I was born into the wrong place. Other times I just feel like I was born the wrong gender. The wrong body. The wrong name. Maybe I was simply born wrong. I\u2019m wrong. All wrong. All <\/span>left<\/span><\/i>. <\/span><\/p> <\/span>

People keep telling me how selfless I am. Like an angel. A goddess. Unhuman? Nonhuman? Subhuman? Superhuman? Oh come on.<\/span><\/p> <\/span>

They are wrong. I <\/span>am<\/span><\/i> selfish. It\u2019s just not in the usual ways. I\u2019m tricky. Surreptitious. They don\u2019t notice it because neither do I. It\u2019s in my nature.<\/span><\/p> <\/span>

They are right. I am selfless. I got no self. I\u2019m dissolved. In everything and everyone. I got nothing because there\u2019s no one to have it. I got no one because there\u2019s no one to be with them. I\u2019m dissolved in nothingness. I\u2019m dissolved in selflessness. <\/span><\/p> <\/span>

They keep asking me how I\u2019m doing it. What? I\u2019m not doing anything. I\u2019m not. I\u2019m not. <\/span><\/p> <\/span>

I am doing it because I have no choice. I have no. I have wrong. I have left. I have what\u2019s left. I have left what was left.<\/span><\/p> <\/span>

I <\/span>am <\/span><\/i>left? Not right. Not remained. Not kept. Abandoned. Jettisoned. <\/span><\/p> <\/span>

I do left. I can\u2019t keep. Can\u2019t. Won\u2019t. Don\u2019t want to.<\/span><\/p> <\/span>

I do right. In their eyes. They can\u2019t see what I see. The wrong in me. It\u2019s everywhere. <\/span><\/p> <\/span>

They have it backwards. They\u2019re all wrong. I\u2019m not selfless.<\/span><\/p> <\/span>

I\u2019m selfish. I got self. I cry because I do. I cry because I don\u2019t. Because I want to have and because I don\u2019t want to have. Because it\u2019s too much. Because it\u2019s not enough. Because it\u2019s not what I deserve, because it\u2019s more than I deserve. <\/span><\/p> <\/span>

They tell me how strong I am. I\u2019m not. I\u2019m weak. I\u2019m weak. One smile and I\u2019m head over heels with someone who never intended to evoke love in me. I got it wrong. Again. <\/span><\/p> <\/span>

They tell me how they love me. I love them too. I have no choice. No choice. It\u2019s who I am. How could I <\/span>not <\/span><\/i>love. It\u2019s all I have. It\u2019s what I was made of. It\u2019s what God is made of. It\u2019s God.<\/span><\/p> <\/span>

I\u2019m not strong. I\u2019m weak. I\u2019m vulnerable. Fragile. Fallible. Falling. Fallen. I\u2019m human.<\/span><\/p> <\/span>I was born wrong. <\/span>","type":"rich"}