1.0Memorieshttps://memories.cafeblog.huAudreyCondemnedhttps://memories.cafeblog.hu/author/AudreyCondemned-2/<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Sometimes I feel like I was into the wrong age. Sometimes I feel like I was born into the wrong place. Other times I just feel like I was born the wrong gender. The wrong body. The wrong name. Maybe I was simply born wrong. I’m wrong. All wrong. All </span><i><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">left</span></i><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">. </span></p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">People keep telling me how selfless I am. Like an angel. A goddess. Unhuman? Nonhuman? Subhuman? Superhuman? Oh come on.</span></p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">They are wrong. I </span><i><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">am</span></i><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> selfish. It’s just not in the usual ways. I’m tricky. Surreptitious. They don’t notice it because neither do I. It’s in my nature.</span></p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">They are right. I am selfless. I got no self. I’m dissolved. In everything and everyone. I got nothing because there’s no one to have it. I got no one because there’s no one to be with them. I’m dissolved in nothingness. I’m dissolved in selflessness. </span></p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">They keep asking me how I’m doing it. What? I’m not doing anything. I’m not. I’m not. </span></p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I am doing it because I have no choice. I have no. I have wrong. I have left. I have what’s left. I have left what was left.</span></p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I </span><i><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">am </span></i><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">left? Not right. Not remained. Not kept. Abandoned. Jettisoned. </span></p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I do left. I can’t keep. Can’t. Won’t. Don’t want to.</span></p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I do right. In their eyes. They can’t see what I see. The wrong in me. It’s everywhere. </span></p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">They have it backwards. They’re all wrong. I’m not selfless.</span></p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I’m selfish. I got self. I cry because I do. I cry because I don’t. Because I want to have and because I don’t want to have. Because it’s too much. Because it’s not enough. Because it’s not what I deserve, because it’s more than I deserve. </span></p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">They tell me how strong I am. I’m not. I’m weak. I’m weak. One smile and I’m head over heels with someone who never intended to evoke love in me. I got it wrong. Again. </span></p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">They tell me how they love me. I love them too. I have no choice. No choice. It’s who I am. How could I </span><i><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">not </span></i><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">love. It’s all I have. It’s what I was made of. It’s what God is made of. It’s God.</span></p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I’m not strong. I’m weak. I’m vulnerable. Fragile. Fallible. Falling. Fallen. I’m human.</span></p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman"; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I was born wrong. </span>rich